Beyond Belief Interviews Nikki Smith

Beyond Belief Blog Tour Continues!

Follow our month long blog tour line-up and travel with us to some fabulous sites. 

Friday, August 30 @ Steph the Bookworm
Get in on the giveaway and join Stephanie as she reviews the anthology,Beyond Belief, The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions by Cami Ostman and Susan Tive.
http://www.stephthebookworm.com/

Monday, September 2 @ Women on Writing, The Muffin
Read what Susan Tive writes in her guest post about “Feminism and Religion” and get in on the giveaway and your chance to win a copy of the anthologyBeyond Belief; The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions.
http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/

Wednesday, September 4 @ Renee’s Pages
Read what Renee’s thoughts were after finishing the anthology, Beyond Belief: The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions and partake in the giveaway for an opportunity to read this one for yourself!
http://www.reneespages.blogspot.com/

This Week Beyond Belief is happy to welcome writer and BB contributor Nikki Smith. As a former Seventh Day Adventist Nikki has a unique and thoughtful perspective on the questions of women and extreme religion. She has written for academic publications and lectured for both local and national educational organizations.  She was a Loma Linda University professor and Seventh Day Adventist missionary in both South Korea and Guam.  Nikki currently lives in Southern California and is working on her memoir about a tightly wound, off-kilter family and a severe, absolutist religion.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWhat interested you in contributing to the anthology? Life within the Seventh Day Adventist church has rarely been examined in secular literature or other faith-based writings, for that matter. Beyond Belief presented a model venue to share my insight into a faith that demanded stringent obedience. My particular story as an earnest believer who was church-schooled, and served as a missionary and then went on to teach as a professor within it’s premier university gives me the credentials to shed light on this little known but growing protestant sect.

What was it like to revisit your experience of living within extreme religion? Recalling my experiences within the Seventh Day Adventist church brought me face to face with the reality of how immersed I had been. This is a church that requires its members to not only believe in its theology but to also practice its strict lifestyle. Adventism believes in a very literal Bible, including the strictures within the Old Testament along with the New Testament gospel and the prophecies of Daniel and Revelation. As I write about my life within this structure, I am struck by how my strict adherence to the Church’s rules kept many of us from reaching our full potential and becoming self-reliant.

What was the hardest part of leaving for you? Leaving behind my community of believers was the most painful part of my journey. There is a unity of spirit when everyone in a group believes the same way. It billows one’s soul to know that when you look across the aisle, each person has the same beliefs as you do. I lost many friends. My journey was lonely but also very freeing. For me to realize that I could make my own decisions without the heavy blanket of dogma is a precious gift that still delights me daily.

Why do you think modern day women are attracted to extreme religion? Extreme religions promise answers. That reason alone can be a shelter that many women feel they need. I had always yearned to know “the truth” and thought I had found it and life’s answers within my strict church. All the explanations were in black and white and you didn’t have to evaluate for yourself. There was a certain comfort in knowing that the Bible and your church had figured all of the hard stuff out already. But then life happened with all its messiness and the answers I had been given just weren’t working anymore.

If a woman is born into an authoritarian church it is especially hard for her to forsake her faith and become an outsider. She has to be very strong to withstand the direct and indirect ostracism. When you leave your own kin don’t trust you anymore. For many women, staying within the confines of their church even though they may not believe is just easier and they don’t have to deal with the guilt and judgment that comes along with leaving.

What do you still carry with you from your religious life? My reverence for our magnificent earth and all its wonders and the love I have for my fellow man certainly continues. I now understand that I can choose to be good and to do good things because they are the right thing to do and not because of a reward in the hereafter. To help my fellow man, to care for my family, to aid the downtrodden, and to help protect the world around me gives me a deeper joy because I am doing it with no feeling that I will be reimbursed.

What advise do you have for women struggling with their faith? It may seem like an overwhelming and bewildering predicament, but by searching within yourself for your truth, the truth of who you are and not what a church or an orthodoxy or set of rules tells you, is key. I have been through this struggle and it is not easy. It took me years to finally leave my church home. I lived through it and I know you can live a very fulfilling and wonderful life “beyond belief.”

Going on Tour!!

Firework

Hurray. We are very excited to announce that Beyond Belief is going on tour!! That’s right, we have a blog tour coming up, and we invite everyone to follow us as we travel to 15 bloggers’ sites for reviews, interviews, give-aways, and guest blog posts. Take a look at the schedule below, come along, and join the discussion. Susan and Cami would like to thank Women On Writing (particularly Crystal Otto and Angela Mackintosh) for scheduling our tour and designing our bookmark for their page.

Monday, August 26 (today!) @ The Muffin
Stop by for an interview and book giveaway!
http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/

Wednesday, August 28 @ My Fiction Nook
Join Cami as she writes about the insightful topic of “Remaking Yourself After Divorce”.
http://www.bringonlemons.blogspot.com/

Thursday, August 29 @ CMash Reads
Join Susan and Cami as they enjoy the author spotlight at CMash Reads today. This is your chance at a giveaway for the anthology Beyond Belief, The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions. Cheryl has done a fabulous job with an in-depth author interview and excerpt especially for you; enjoy!
http://cmashlovestoread.com/

Friday, August 30 @ Steph the Bookworm
Get in on the giveaway and join Stephanie as she reviews the anthology, Beyond Belief, The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions by Cami Ostman and Susan Tive.
http://www.stephthebookworm.com/

Monday, September 2 @ Words, Crazy Words
Read what Susan Tive writes in her guest post about “Feminism and Religion” and get in on the giveaway and your chance to win a copy of the anthology Beyond Belief; The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions.
http://wordscrazywords.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, September 4 @ Renee’s Pages
Read what Renee’s thoughts were after finishing the anthology, Beyond Belief: The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions and partake in the giveaway for an opportunity to read this one for yourself!
http://www.reneespages.blogspot.com/

Tuesday,  September 10 @ All Things Audry
Don’t miss your chance to win a copy of Beyond Belief: The Secret Lives of Women of Extreme Religion and enjoy a guest post by author, Susan Tive with the intriguing topic of “Motherhood in and out of Religion”
http://allthingsaudry.blogspot.com/

Thursday,  September 12 @ Margo L. Dill
Don’t miss your chance to win a copy of Beyond Belief: The Secret Lives of Women of Extreme Religion and join Margo as she shares her thoughts after reading this thought provoking anthology.
http://www.margodill.com./

Friday,  September 13 @ World of My Imagination
Don’t miss your chance to win a copy of Beyond Belief: The Secret Lives of Women of Extreme Religion and join Nicole as she shares her thoughts after reading this touching anthology.
http://theworldofmyimagination.blogspot.com/

Monday, September 16 @ I’d So Rather Be Reading
Don’t miss this opportunity to win your own copy of the moving anthology Beyond Belief; The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions this is one book you don’t want to miss. Read a review just as expertly written as the book as Kelli shares her thoughts.
http://www.idsoratherbereading.com/

Tuesday, September 17 @ CMash Reads
You won’t want to miss today’s giveaway for the moving anthology Beyond Belief: The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions and read about what Cami has to say about “Being True to Yourself”!
http://cmashlovestoread.com/

Wednesday, September 18 @ Words from the Heart
Giveaway and review of Beyond Belief: The Secret Lives of women in Extreme Religions. Find out more about the powerful words of this intriguing anthology!
http://contemplativeed.blogspot.com

Thursday, September 19 @ I’d So Rather Be Reading
Don’t miss this giveaway and review of the touching anthology Beyond Belief: The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions.
http://www.idsoratherbereading.com/

Monday, September 23 @ Mom-E-Centric
Today is a don’t miss day for a giveaway of the intriguing anthology Beyond Belief: The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions, and guest post by Cami about “Being True to Yourself”
http://momecentric.com/

Wednesday, September 25 @ Choices
Today is your day for a giveaway of the anthology Beyond Belief, The Secret Lives of Women in Extreme Religions. This is also your opportunity to join Susan and Cami for a guest post titled: “Why Women Stay in Religious Communities”
http://madeline40.blogspot.com/

What Remains?

Last week Pam Helberg and Grace Peterson, two Beyond Belief writers, suggested some important additions to my list of Questions I Wish They’d Ask. One of them, how are we all still impacted by the religious communities we left, I’d like to speak to today. This question resonates strongly with me (Susan) and is made even more poignant because my 21-year-old daughter is visiting for a few weeks before she heads back to college several thousand miles away.

Like most parents with almost-finished-with-college, almost-an-adult children, I cherish every moment I get to spend with my daughter knowing that as her life takes shape into the future our time together will become even more rare. In my case, however, I feel a deeper sense of gratitude about our relationship. I have a sense of pride that we both made it through not just the normal pushes and pulls of the mother/daughter relationship as she entered puberty, individuated, rebelled, etc., but that we survived the very real danger that we may not have had a relationship at all because of the decision I made to leave Orthodox Judaism.

When I left Orthodoxy I chose to leave largely because I was concerned for the long-term mental and emotional health of my children and myself. I had to get the hell out of the situation first and then go back for my children, it was not ideal, nor pretty. It was triage, it was why they instruct you on an airplane to put on your own mask first, because if you pass out you won’t be much help to your children.

Leaving was risky, extremely risky because not only did I have to believe that I had the strength to do it but I had to believe in my children. I had to believe that they could sort out the situation for themselves, that they knew who I really was despite what they were being told.

The very rules of orthodoxy that I had followed to help keep my family together became barriers used to keep me from my children. The tight knit fabric of the community I had worked so hard to create and weave my children into morphed into an impermeable net that separated us once I was on the other side.

And while I respect and understand that the rules of Orthodoxy were only trying to protect them, I knew better. I knew that the connection we had as mother and child was more fundamental, more holy and vital than the religious overlay that was being used to keep them away from me. Religion should be part of what strengthens and protects families, and for many years I experienced just that support in my Jewish life.

In order to leave I had to believe in my children far more deeply than I had ever believed in Orthodoxy. I took a huge risk. I walked away with the hope that I would eventually be in their lives in a real, and for lack of a better word, natural way.

Yes I often feel guilty for having put my children through the pain and suffering of what took place when I left Orthodoxy. But as the years go by my trust in them has been justified. Today I may act just like any other mother with almost-adult kids home for a visit but what remains inside me, what has become an intrinsic part of me is the visceral memory, the fear, of how close I came to losing them.

 

Questions I Wish They’d Ask

Questions I Wish They’d Ask

Don’t get me wrong. I feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to write, edit and currently promote Beyond Belief. The topic of women and religion is one that I have given a great deal of thought to and lived firsthand for many years. I am deeply appreciative to everyone from our publishers and editors at Seal Press to our authors, who helped make the anthology a book that I am proud of. I am also grateful to those in the media who have reached out to Cami and I (Susan) and invited us onto their TV and radio shows, interviewed us for publications, book reviews and blogs and shared our thoughts and the stories in the anthology with their audiences. (Check out our media page to read and watch the clips yourself.)

That being said I have to admit a bit of frustration. Each time a new opportunity to share the anthology arises I find myself excitedly preparing answers to a growing number of questions that I think are interesting and important. More honestly, I find myself preparing for all the questions I wish someone would ask. These tend to be juicy, more controversial questions that reach into a gray area where religion is explored with curiosity and openness without preconceptions that it is either the one true way or else a dead end.

Some of these questions are: “What was better in your life when you were religious?” “What do you miss the most?” What do you think religion has to offer women that secular society doesn’t?”

But no one we’ve talked to in the media asks these questions. For the most part, the media that are open to Beyond Belief are somewhat biased toward an anti-religious viewpoint and approach us with the notion that the conclusion of our book must be that religion is not the way to go. After all, our writers all left their faiths so that must mean religion doesn’t work, right?

Most people with an antireligious slant don’t want to hear that in some respects religious life offers a stronger more viable sense of community, real community than secular society. In my own experience the orthodox community that I lived in for ten years was where people actually looked after one another, brought food and visited and watched children when disaster or death struck. Within the orthodox world people took the time to celebrate, feast, open their homes, and offer hospitality to strangers for no other reason than that they were part of Klal Yisroel, the people of Israel.

On the other hand the believers out there who adhere to a religious practice that would be considered fundamentalist don’t even know that our book exists. They don’t read books outside of what their community sanctions and they certainly don’t surf the net and read blogs and reviews by feminists or on Atlantic.com or watch Current TV.

So even though Beyond Belief is not anti religious, these religious folks won’t ever know it. They won’t find us and we won’t have the opportunity to talk with them, to tell them, we’re not against you. We would love for you to read these stories, to hear first hand how by limiting the opportunities for women within religion communities women are being disrespected and making choices to leave their faiths.

The questions that don’t get asked are often the ones that need to be asked the most. They are the most uncomfortable ones, because they help us to admit that we could be wrong, that we have doubts, that we do not possess any truth or absolutes.

The Questions I Wish They’d Ask are stacking up and my responses to them are coalescing on the page. In the coming weeks I hope to write and post them in this blog.

Next week: What do you miss the most?